21 February 2008

Warning: Unrecognized WinSock

Warning: Unrecognized WinSock NSP!

That's what my computer says, and I believe anything I read on the computer. Well, maybe not the NYTimes and the NYPost.

Anyway, this warning sounds serious and I wonder if I should notify the Gendarmes so they can launch a rocket and shoot down the Unrecognized WinSock. I'd hate to think something terrible will happen to Paradise if I fail to put the French government forces on alert that there is a UWS out there.

Maybe the French can borrow one of the U.S. rockets we are using to shoot down our own satellite. Interesting technology. Now that Karl Rove has joined Fox News, is there any doubt they are working a shoot-down of the CNN satellite?

On the other hand, perhaps a UWS is not a UFO. (Btw, where have all the UFO's gone? The only person around who has seen one lately is Dennis Kucinich. And whatever has happened to Dennis Kucinich? He disappearance raises the question of whether he was taken away by an Unrecognized WinSock. I wonder if the authorities are working on that. Forget the Drudge Report, you heard it here first.

Alas, I fear no extraterrestrial is involved, and that we need look no further than the usual suspect: France Telcom, which probably has again cut off my DSL service, (along with that of 7,000 other Paradisians) because something, which for sure is not their fault- -it never is- - is broken, disconnected, or otherwise mal. I would call Guadeloupe and complain except: i) I do not speak French, ii) Guadeloupe is almost always on strike, and iii) Guadeloupe, which is sort of the equivalent of the County Seat of the French West Indies, produces excellent cantaloupe melons. Period.

This may be a real test for the London Family: How many hours can we co-exist without an internet connection? This could get ugly.

I got it! Here's what we do: we sell the idea to a television network for a reality series: Boffo! We'll be original and call it "St. Barths Survival Test- - An Entire Day Without Email!" I can see the promos for the series next season on Fox (Well, I can "see" them sort of the same way that Mitt Romney "saw" his father march with Martin Luther King):"Who Cracks Up First?" "Will This Marriage Last!" "Will They Move Back North?" "Wednesday at 10!"

Hmmm...Now I am thinking we need to spruce this up a bit. I don't think it will sell unless we can get some other people in here. I know, some of the beautiful people from Nikki Beach. That ought do it. And then they won't need us. Or our house, for that matter. Just move the beautiful people into one of those $40,000 a week rental villas, take away their underwear, give them a computer with one of those non-working France Telcom modems, and film everything that happens. Tell the writers they can go back on strike! This is gold! Gold, I tell you, gold!

Remember reading about the those hearty pioneers who settled the American west? They built sod houses on their forty acres, tried to scratch out a living in that sere environment, and then went nuts because the wind never stopped blowing. Now I understand. I too am suffering here. Can't go sailing, can't go fishing, beach sand blows onto my jambon et frommage en baguette, even finds its way into my Red Stripe, and palm fronds fall into my swimming pool. Send help.

If my internet connection doesn't come back soon, I'll print this note and smuggle it out on one of the cruise ships anchored in my front yard.

Where is Al Gore when we need him? Having invented the internet, he should service it, non?

A bientot.

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