23 March 2012

Congratulations to Contest Winners!

Dear prize contestants:  

Recently I invited readers to submit entries suggesting the name of a St. Barths icon, a photograph of which was embodied in the piece.

The responses were numerous--and brilliant. Most contestants, however, asked for anonymity lest any prize winnings be discovered by taxing authorities, identity thieves, former spouses, current spouses, or would-be spouses. So this message is sent anonymously to all blogees but really directed to those who submitted entries.  You know who you are!

The Award Committee members (they have requested anonymity as well) have determined the entries to be uniformly excellent, and has decreed a full prize is to be delivered to all contestants.  The prize fund has been augmented by an offshore Super-PAC that enjoys, under local rules, authority to dip into Super-PAC funds for special circumstances such as these.

So, to each of you who have submitted an entry (and the deadline for submitting entries has been extended, so it is not too late to participate and thereby become entitled to your prize money):

Congratulations! You have won 100,000 British Pounds, and the prize money is waiting for you in a Cayman Islands bank!  Happily, the undersigned has been designated as the Procurateur of the prize account process and I am able to forward your prize money to the bank of your choice as soon as you pay the necessary license and export fees of 10,000 USD.  To qualify for your award, you need only print this email, sign it, add your social security number, the SWIFT number of your bank and  your account number, and give me a valid irrevocable power of attorney.  When I receive those documents (Fedex is acceptable) and am able to confirm the successful transfer of the export and license fees to the Procurateur's Account, your compliance with Contest Rules will be complete. Hurry! This offer expires at the discretion of the Award Committee.

This just in:!!! 

A journalist of note (who, like almost everyone else involved in this glorious enterprise, wishes to remain anonymous) has pledged funding for an additional 10% bonus to all contestants who submit, along with the foregoing documents, a photograph of their pet dog in a crate tied to the roof of one of their Cadillac automobiles.

A bientot.