07 May 2014

Comcast Retaliates!

You have not heard from me in a long while, and here's why: 

To my surprise, I learn from Google that my blog is read by people in China, Russia, Ukraine, whatever.  Just a small number in each foreign country, but still,,, ,  So for sure the black hats that constitute the management of Comcast
 (hereinafter, "The Commies") read everything that has their name in it. They scour every publication, every utterance.  And obviously their intelligence section has discovered that I have publicly disclosed their confidential plans to dominate of the United States communications industry--a feat that would ultimately lead to the demise of the free choice ethos that is the basis of our First Amendment.

 You will understand this post better if you re-read "Christie, Putin, Incognito, and Comcast", which I published here on 2 March 2014. As I review it, I see now it is too wordy, but nevertheless dead-on accurate. But that March 2 essay  (ignore the title-- it is all about Comcast and Comcast only) is important to the understanding of the depths of Comcast's current ire, especially because of my publication of the text of the confidential conversations among The Commies and the broadcast  executives.

For reference, here is that url. (I do not not know how to make a link!  You can copy this and paste it into your url box):



Immediately following publication of my March 2 post, The Commie's advanced science section (not the dufuses who designed their shitty set top boxes) figured out an ingenious way to try to get even with me.   This phase of their scheme was personal, but if their experiment is successful, every anti-Comcast journalist is at risk.  And further, The Commies could make billions by selling their invention to Mr. Putin.

Here is what they have done:

By a means as yet undiscovered by me,  The Commies have electronically altered the cushiony cells that reside in my L34 vertebral disc.  The affected cells are now multiplying and expanding, and the jelly in this donut is causing its walls to bulge and tear. The result is called a herniated disc. In my case, The Commie cells have successfully pushed out the walls of the disc to the point where they have wrapped themselves around the root of an adjacent nerve that receives signals from the brain and sends signals down the leg.  The message The Commies are now sending down my right leg is simple: 

"Send down severe leg pain every time the poor fucker moves, whether he stands, lies down, whatever. That'll teach him the lesson so many others have already learned, the lesson engraved on the portal of our great skyscraper near the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia : 'Don't fuck with Us.' "

You will be happy to know that in the spirit of all exemplary journalists,  I am fighting back.  

The means of my counterattack?  Obviously I have no access to government officials, inasmuch as the Commies have spent hundreds of millions to influence them and my political contributions are in the mid three digits and come only at the time of Presidential elections. 

The FCC? Hah. 

The Courts?  Sometimes very effective but generally way too slow.   And I still do not know the science behind the The Commies' attack, and will not be able to make out a judicially cognizable claim.  The likes of Scalia et al, will examine my pleading, see no words there that literally mirror anything in the Constitution, and I would be outsky. And even if I could craft a claim that survives that scrutiny, the notice requirements of the litigative process rarely satisfy a need for immediate action. My L3/L4 alienated disc cells are obeying their pre-programmed orders: the disc is constantly expanding, and increasingly exerts pressure on that nerve root. Ouch, it hurts just to write this.

The solution: Immediate ex parte action. Don't tell the other side. Obey the t-shirt:  "Just Do It."
So I have employed an action guy: an eminent surgeon, who tomorrow will physically snip off the invasive bulge, and send the whole mess to pathologists who will try to learn how The Commies have accomplished this.  At least they will try.

Speed is important here. It is vital that we remove the alien cells before they reach a critical mass and grow smart enough actually to reverse the flow of information that now travels down from the brain. Once The Commie cells start sending signals upstream and telling the brain what to do, all is lost. This is a two-horse race: My surgeon must reach the finish line before my Commie-cell occupied brain gives him instructions to stand down!

Ironically, this is my big chance to assure a comfortable retirement.  If we beat The Commies, discard their invading cells, and discover how they have done this, we can prevent them from using the same procedure on my mentees, the great journalists who have learned at my knee, i.e, the likes of Gail Collins, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert.  If we accomplish that, we will not only have won a great victory for the First Amendment, but I can secure my retirement by selling this horror story to an accomplished best-seller-list author such as Stephen King or Linda Fairstein, and live off the book and ancillary rights.

And in six weeks, I can go fishing again!

The Surgeon Strikes Tomorrow.  Stay tuned.

A bientot.

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